Sonic the Hedgehog

“Why would you throw your life away for this silly little alien?”

Filmology Rating: 1.5 out of 4

‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ was my latest trip to the dentist's office. It was directed by Jeff Fowler who was bullied by the internet to redesign Sonic so that the movie could go from a nightmare to mediocre.

When a police man finds a blue mammal with shoes on in his garage, he decides to help it get to San Francisco to recover a bag of rings because Sonic is too stupid to run there himself and has no clue where he is going. So Sonic and his new friend get in a truck and go on a road trip where they stop at random places to have wacky shenanigans occur that have nothing to do with the plot, while Jim Carrey looks like he stepped out off the set of 'Liar Liar.' It's fair to say that this film is obviously not meant for an older demographic. However, I always say that the genre "children's film" is not a genre that's meant just for kids, but rather a genre where it's meant to pull the kid out of you (Toy Story, Monsters Inc, Frozen). 'Sonic the Hedgehog' feels like the safest attempt at servicing the majority, while not pleasing anyone at all. The character of Sonic especially feels so calculated on a marketing perspective where it's almost like the writer did some mathematical formula to find the funniest things Sonic could say to make as many people laugh as possible. It felt like the voice actor was trying to do a riff on Ryan Reynolds' Deadpool.

Jim Carrey with a mustache was just sad to watch. Nothing about this film was remotely entertaining or funny, but Jim Carrey especially was just sad to watch because he is still doing what he used to do thirty years ago. But he obviously doesn't need the money.

The constant pit-stops was also reminiscent of 'Queen and Slim' where our two leads occasionally stop somewhere to do something completely unrelated to the hackneyed plot. However, it is worse in 'Sonic' by ten-fold.

The product placement in this film I also found gratuitous. Especially the constant reference to the Olive Garden. Because that's why I go to the movies...to be advertised to. Calculated down to the last hair on Sonic's head, this makes for such a banal film that tries to please everyone, yet it it barely will keep the kids quiet.

Rating: Let It Burn

-Nolan