Cats

“I judge a cat by its soul.”

Filmology Rating: 1.33 out of 4

Cats was the latest seizure I had. Now, I don't want to be someone who continues to beat the horse after it has been atom-bombed, but this has to be one of the most incoherent films of the last decade. It was directed by Tom Hooper and stars Taylor Swift, Idria Elba, James Cordon, Judy Dench, Jennifer Hudson, Jason Derulo, Ian McKellen, Rebel Wilson, and a fake pull-quote with no one to credit to put on the poster. It's 'Cats!' Merry Christmas!

Within the first ten minutes of this film, you just want to unleash your confusion at the screen because you have no idea what's going on or who is what, who's on first, what's on second? I haven't the slightest clue. 

Occasionally, I do say that a film is incoherent and that I had no idea what was going on, but this time, I literally do not have the slightest modicum of what was happening. There is absolutely no plot until an hour into the film and even then, you still barely know what's happening or why. 

The CGI work on these actors to make them look like cats is just atrocious. It's so off-putting that your brain spends over ninety minutes trying to reach some kind of visual homeostasis to comprehend what you're watching to the point where you go through the stages of grief at least three times before your brain shuts down due to going utter looney. 

At a point, I began to think that this must be some kind of prank. I half expected Ashton Kutcher to come out of nowhere to tell me it was all a practical joke on these poor actors like Judy Dench and Ian McKellen who are just embarrassing themselves. 

It's certainly not a film you watch to laugh at. Perhaps for the first twenty minutes, but after that, you just shut down. Then I began to think how one does write a script with absolutely zero scenes and nothing but signing with no actual dialogue. That became far more interesting to think about than the actual film in front of me. 

There are no relatable characters, it's a terrible musical as a film, and there is just an overabundance of dancing and singing. Don't even see it out of curiosity unless you want to feel as if you're in a straight-jacket.

Rating: Let It Burn

-Nolan