Filmology Rating: 1.5 out of 4

Fifty Shades of Grey opened in 2015 and turned out to not be the trainwreck that most were expecting and some had hoped the film would be.  The film didn’t break any new grounds for the romance genre but it definitely got all the soccer moms into theatres and they were even more excited to watch Fifty Shades Darker, making its trailer the most viewed Youtube video in 24 hours with 114 million views, only to be later beaten by the first Beauty and the Beast (2017) trailer.  Even the two stars of the film series: Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan went on to do bigger and better projects with How to Be Single and Anthropoid, respectively.  You also change directors and now have James Foley directing, who directed one of my favorite films, Glengarry Glen Ross, and you have the recipe for an entertaining sleaze fest.   

Anastasia Steele, once again played by Dakota Johnson, is trying to cope with the recent breakup with Christian Grey, once again played by Jamie Dornan, that she initiated.  Ana wonders how she can save the man she loves from himself while also making herself feel complete.

While watching the film I kept thinking of the Honda Yearbooks Super Bowl commercial from this year.  You have celebrities like Steve Carell, Stan Lee, and Viola Davis telling you that if you want to do something then you should do it.  The reason why I kept thinking about this was because Fifty Shades Darker wants to be a thriller, the main plot of the story supposedly hinges on this young woman who has been following Ana around.  However for 80% of the film’s 118 minute running time it actively tries to forget what it wants to be.  If you want to be a thriller be a thriller.  If you want to be a kinky romance film then be a kinky romance film.  Fifty Shades Darker is clearly having an identity crisis.

I need to question why this film has such a long running length, if you add up all the moments of actual importance in the film it couldn’t be longer than ten minutes, which was also true of Fifty Shades of Grey.  If the acting was good then I could accept the long running length but Johnson is just playing the curious girl next door and Dornan is playing a stone cold millionaire.  I couldn’t even begin to tell you what Christian actually does for a living because you only see one scene with him at work and it’s meant to be a flirty scene with Ana.  To imagine we have yet another film coming in this series is enraging, these first two could have easily been combined into one film and I imagine the third film will have the same focusless story that the previous two installments have had.  If the film had a group of decent producers and editors we could actually have one good movie entitled Fifty Shades yet we are left with two overlong wandering films        

Fifty Shades Darker ends up being the trainwreck that everyone was expecting the first film to be, featuring every ounce of cheesy soap opera drama complete with terrible dialogue and nonexistent acting.

Rating: Skip It

-Jonny G